I would say that Christmas is my Super Bowl as a mom. Preseason starts as soon as schools start in September. I become so overcome with the excitement that I can’t let the first leaf of the trees turn colors let alone hit the ground.
I can almost see the wrapping paper being shredded and thrown into the air coming down like championship confetti on the field that I will find pieces of for weeks to come. It takes me this long to prepare because of the amount of work I put into research. Picture a world renowned scientist working on a theory that will eventually change the trajectory of our entire universe and earn them millions of dollars, a Harvard scholarship program in their honor and a few Nobel Peace Prizes. Now picture it as a stay at home mom with a scrunchie in her hair and wearing one of her husbands old t shirts with holes in it.
I start by listening into my two older kid’s conversations with each other and their friends and taking mental notes of the new hip things. For the two little ones I watch over their shoulder between the chocolate pudding and peanut butter smears on the screens of their iPads at what those billionaire YouTube families are getting paid to play with on their channels. I then begin to wonder why I can’t bring myself to enslave my own children into one of those things. Then immediately remember that I hate slime and cancel culture exists.
My hyper-fixation keeps me up most weeks leading up to the big day googling which stores have which exclusives and what else could I get to go with things. Coincidentally leading me back to watching the same YouTube toy/makeup/clothes reviews realizing that there’s no escaping supporting these peoples lives. I realize that I go obnoxious with the presents for our children. I am “not good with my money” and do not have a “savings account” and get love notes from my credit cards telling me my cards are “maxed out” I do not care about any of that. Even if I didn’t have it, I have the same philosophy as I always had when it comes to my kids, mommy would twerk something for a Gabby’s Dollhouse Sams Club exclusive edition and I would drop it down low to da flo for some Imaginext Trolls play sets.
A few short weeks before the big day I start coming up with excuses as to why I need to give the kids certain gifts early. This goes especially for my tween daughters. Mostly because I order three of things from Sephora. One for each big girl and one for my husband’s favorite hoehoehoe. I like to think that this is a way to expose my children to different cultures by doing things like adopting Jewish tradition of gifts for 8 nights. Only-taking it a step further and dragging it out another week. Do I have zero self control or am I just a mom who wants her children to be worldly?
Last year we decided that since we split Christmas with our oldest daughter’s mother to surprise the kids with Christmas early. Christmas Eve they came downstairs to the entire set up. It was the best decision we ever made. Besides the strict rule we set that no one is allowed over Christmas and no one leaves so that my husband and I get to squeeze up every second of that day with the kids in our pajamas. We will be keeping this early Christmas tradition in our family because Christmas isn’t the 25th of December. Christmas to us is when all of us are home together. Also because the thought of waiting another excruciating 24 hours without watching our kids open everything up might just kill me.
Don’t forget to donate to Toys For Tots this season while you’re out fighting with a stranger over the last Squishmallow in your local Walmart.
UnHinged 
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